heavensnight | open post

[Maria appreciated any attempt at humor, never thought much of embarrassment. really, her every day company was a man who shoved his hand in a toilet. Verso had very little competition and he'd be far better in every way. in response, she gives him a smile and gets up to get the bottle for them to both have before she's pouring him another glass.

it's a surprise to hear that he's jealous of her. Maria didn't see herself as someone to be envious of and yet as he explains, she does begin to understand. Maria would know time passed every time she would wake up from wherever she was in the loop. the monotony of it could drive one crazy, sometimes she thought she was doing so, but she knew time passed that way. how much did? she couldn't say. countless and countless loops...

but he had a way of being very nice to her though the truth of the statement was just so depressing. yet she didn't hold these words against him. he was only as honest with her as she was with him. and he was correct. James never stopped her from wanting, from being Maria even if she didn't always know if it was her. but compared to him, she could see how he might like how things were for her. the grass was always greener, wasn't it? Maria couldn't blame him like she must know he felt towards her. couldn't blame her for wanting what he had in some ways.

it was why she did like him so much. things made a little more sense even if it was only a minuscule amount.]

You have a way with words and making a girl feel special. [she finishes her drink and offers him a full smile.] Thank you. But don't you think that talking with me like this, you've gone outside your 'role'? Certainly the things you've said, she wouldn't want. Downright disrespectful. A scoundrel, one might say. I think you've gotten a piece of yourself even if you don't see it.

I'd ... like to think so, as I'm sure you'd like to think so.

[ To believe that they're more than the sum of their parts. He breathes a laugh through his nose as he wonders what that means for entities like them. What does it truly mean to be more than what they were made for and of? Is their agency and desires theirs or a byproduct of what created them? ]

More than that, I think we both grow tired of -- [ His eyebrows come together as he searches for the word. ] -- the exhaustion of it all? [ He lifts his eyebrows instead, like the punchline of a joke that they probably both feel they are. ]

Still, it's only because she's weakened that I can be so rebellious. [ A half-smile. ] Before if I tried to argue, I'd -- [ His head tilt. ] -- feel a disconnect. Like my thoughts were wrong. I'd immediately reconsider and -- [ A frown. ] -- that would be it. [ Just a feeling of dread and horror in the back of his mind that he couldn't acknowledge. ]

I love when I hear you've yelled at him. [ Love that she has that freedom. Her actions are instincts; so much is woven into her, but when she feels that breaking point come, she can act upon it. ] You only don't because you're deciding not to for what you're trying to accomplish.

[ And yet despite it all - despite what they've made them - they love them. There's a sympathy born inside of them that they can't shake; it makes them want to empathize with their pain and suffering. He doesn't think James deserves it; he supposes Maria thinks his mother doesn't deserve it, either. But it is the sum of their parts.

He lifts up his glass for another little cheers. ]

To love everlasting?

[it wasn't only because Verso was her only other option for conversation that Maria enjoyed his company. Verso was able to provide her new perspectives, things to really consider. it would have been so simple to sit there and feel sorry for herself but Verso made her reassess things maybe she would have taken for granted.

not that either of them had very much to be grateful but well, between the two of them, you had to make to the best of the little you had.

she raises her glass with a smile.] To love everlasting. [she takes her drink.] You're charming enough I'll forgive you for stealing my line. It's a pretty good one, I'll admit.

But at least she is weakening. As much of a double-edged sword as that is. [Maria assumes this can't be easy for Verso, whether or not it's his feelings or not. when James hurt, Maria felt hurt as well. she didn't like it but she loved him. no matter the reason for it.]

One day, you'll be free. You won't have to be tired anymore.

Thank you. You're welcome to steal it back any time.

[ Another smile. Another drink.

He tilts his head in mild agreement of the double-edged sword. Her pain is like a knife being dragged through his body; a wound that is permanently festering and rotting. No matter what she's done to him; no matter what he says that might hint at the contrary; he can't hate her. He loves her too much for that to be possible.

But he offers her a smile. ]

I won't be tired, but I will miss seeing you.

[ A sincere sentiment wrapped in a teasing, playful smile. He's nothing without his masks, even if he lets quite a few of them down around Maria. His eyes drift to the countertop; he turns his head to really take in the silence of the room. His eyes roll to scan the ceiling before returning to her face.

At least with the others, they'll join him in oblivion. No Paintress or Painter to steal their agency ever again. No more dreams to have; no more hope; no more conversations or love, either. It's a cruelty and a kindness, he supposes. Or perhaps, that is what he has to tell himself in order to keep pressing forward.

But for Maria -- ]

It won't be for a long time. So... I'll stay with you as long as I can.

[there are plenty of reasons to like Verso. part of it is how he shows himself, the smiles and charming behavior. but underneath that, a side that only a few must see, is the biggest reason. they are similar in what they are, creations meant for for another's purpose. Maria for James to have his wife back and yet not quite. for Verso, the son and brother lost. they were supposed to have roles and purpose. something they were crammed into.

but the way they were different was something special as well. how they both grew, how they each viewed their situations. talking with Verso was always a pleasure and not only because her only other option for conversation was James Sunderland of all people.

even if he has that usual smile of his, she would like to believe his words are genuine. after all, he has no reason to lie to her. she is stuck where she is and it's not like there would be any purpose in lying to her, she thinks.]

I'm honored. [though she is teasing herself, she thinks it must be obvious that she is being honest. if they knew anything about the other, it must be obvious that Maria is lonely. his companionship, when it was available, meant a lot to her.]

Selfishly, I'll tell you I'd greatly prefer you with me. Can do in the way of some decent conversation.

Think if I asked the universe nice enough, it'd let me stay?

[ His voice quiets but hangs in the silence of the room. He doesn't want to go anymore than those that want to keep him wish him to stay. But what he wants and what is needed are two different things. He can't take half-measures; he can, however, offer wistful hopes and dreams to someone who feels the same.

And they'd at least have each other. Someone who understands the situation of the other; but he doesn't want that for Maria. He doesn't want to be another person that ties her down and be the one of the few people she can communicate with, however. She deserves more than that; she deserves to see what's outside her cell, too.

Could he be egotistical enough to believe he could find the key to it?

A beat of silence before he asks: ]

But really... why do you think this town gave you to him?

Edited 2025-05-21 01:45 (UTC)

If we got anywhere by asking nicely, we wouldn't be here now, would we? [and that was all she could say on that. if things went their way then Maria imagined they would not even be talking.

she guessed she could think of some of the positives in this situation. at least she had Verso.

his question makes her pause for the briefest of moments and she taps her fingers on the counter.] To punish him. That's all it is, I think. James wanted his happy life and there was Mary. But then she got sick and that was taken from him. Here I am, a whole new chance but he can't have me either. Even when I do manage to get him to choose me, I end up sick anyway before it all restarts. [in the end, it never amounts to anything and Maria feels like she's the one being punished. James can't even remember anything.]

By this point, he can't stand me. We could get along in the beginning but now? I think something deep inside of him tells him what I really am and he doesn't want me around. He can barely stand me even when I'm on my best behavior. Maybe that's part of his punishment, too. Just being reminded of her, reminded of this inescapable hell he is...that's all I am. Just a reminder. Nothing more, nothing less.

You're right.

[ About everything that she's said. Asking nicely has not gotten them anything they want. They both played by the rules given to them, but told it wasn't good enough. No matter what they do or say, their wills are overwritten and ignored. They're treated like the villains for wanting more than the lives that they were given. ]

We can't even say we'd let them carry on as they like. We can't even let them be self-destructive so long as we're allowed to live. [ They can't live and let live; they're created with too much love for those that lack the capacity to understand or accept what they offer. ] We're nothing more than shadows that have to cling to their light.

[ But seeing them ruin themselves breaks their hearts. ]

You deserve more than that, Maria. [ A slight, weighted pause. ] Your light is more than his could hope to be. Perhaps, that's his real punishment. Knowing that you're actually the light he has to cling to in order to feel something.

[ Perhaps, that is a convenient lie; perhaps, it's just a means to console someone so very much like himself. But -- well, there is no but. He wants her to believe in her right to exist more than what instinct tells her she should follow. ]

We are forced to sing the same song and dance the same dance again and again. [and it was exhausting. Maria did keep trying, kept hoping, but it wasn't any less tiring. all she did was the same thing again and again.

and even if she was envious of Verso for the things he could have, she knew he was just as trapped as she was. his cage may have seemed bigger but that was only an illusion wasn't it?

her hand finds his, playing it on top of his.] But it's sweet of you to be so nice. [even if she knew he wasn't being truthful. it was his attempt to be nice, comfort her in one of the only ways he could. neither of them could fix a damn thing but they could do things like this. some may call it lying but they could see the purpose in lies. the necessity of them. Maria wouldn't hold it against him.]

You do feel like a light to me. Just being you. [she knew nothing of the Verso he was born from after all.]

Neither one of them would say sorry for what they've done, but we still love them.

[ As Maria said like it's their job.

However, no matter how snide and callous that he tries to sound about Aline, there is always a tone underneath. One filled with quiet devotion to his mother, his creator. A chain that he can't break free from. He can't hate her; he can't even be angry. He can say whatever he likes to Maria, but in his heart, he doesn't believe whatever cruelty he decides upon.

His instincts betray him. Punish him by turning his insides; guilt eating his stomach and coiling around his chest. He understands her pain and her guilt and her grief; it's part of him. He can't deny she's suffering and no matter how many times people tell him his creation was cruel, he made his family happy. Wasn't that enough to say he deserved to exist? To say he was real?

'Course not, but he'd like to dream. No matter how weary he is, he'd like to have that dream.

Verso glances at the hand on top his; he turns his around to let their palms press together, curling his fingers around her hand. ] It's 'cause I'm made of sweetness. [ His mouth twitches into a smile. Lies are their lifeblood. ]

It's just an echo of a dream. [ She may not know Verso, but too much of Verso is in him to ever know if he's himself. ] Have you ever tried killing him on the first meeting? It'd reset things, but would it be a little cathartic? [ He wonders if he'll feel that when he has to kill Aline. It won't really kill her, but ... it will feel like it. ]

What other choice do we have? [but to love them. Maria would never quite call it forgiving, she didn't know if that was possible for her, but it was certainly accepting. for Verso, she imagined he might be more forgiving than she could be. Verso always discussed his situation differently. frustration was there, how could it not be, but the love and devotion he had for Aline was different than the love and devotion she had for James. family dynamics had that certain quality to them, didn't they?

and that's why Verso's purpose is cruel in a very different way than hers. she knows.

she eyes their joined hands and there's a sardonic smile that forms.] I've fantasized about killing him. Of him begging me, saying he'd do anything...[it is a dark fantasy of hers but one she doesn't feel ashamed of sharing with Verso. certainly he will not judge her or think less of her for her feelings.] But I can't. I don't want him gone. Whether it's real or not, I love him. I love him as much as I hate him.

[her face turns more sympathetic.] At least I have the freedom to hate him? I guess.

A comforting fantasy, I'm sure. [ No judgment from him. He is actively trying to figure out how to kill his creator. Although, it isn't killing; it is only forcing her out of the Canvas. Same same, but different. His mouth twists into another smile. ]

He's a lucky guy, either way. Even to be hated by someone like you is a blessing.

[ A beat.

Verso wonders what it would feel like to hate Aline. His tongue slides along a back tooth, but he can't even fathom what that would be like. Eyebrows come together, he squints at the surface of the bar counter. His face relaxes as he decides to give up on even trying to imagine what it would be like. ]

Renoir told me that we paint the bars of our prison. [ He flicks his eyes up to her, catching her gaze, before rolling his eyes. ] But I think we're very aware and conscious of the walls of our cells.

[ A small sigh. ] Verso... the real Verso... would say that we're real. Our feelings and memories... everything... that we have souls. [ Maybe it's cruel to ask, but -- ] Would Mary think the same about you?

You do know how to charm a girl when she's discussing murder with you. Well, I appreciate it. You'll probably be the only one to ever tell me something so nice. [sometimes she wondered if she clung a little too much when Verso did visit. she was lonely, she didn't hide that fact. Verso was the only one she could be this open with. even if she had others, she didn't think someone could see her quite as well as Verso did. but she didn't want to turn him into the same thing everybody else did. expecting him to be in a role that he didn't ask for. simply forced into. Maria wanted to be seen as a temporary escape from that.]

I think that sounds like a man trying to justify his own existence. It isn't a prison if he says it isn't, right? But he's just as stuck as you or me. He can't do anything on his own, even if he thinks he is. Still the same thing in the end. You can put make-up on a pig but it's still a pig. [it was something Maria had tried before. maybe if she tried to look at things different, tried a different point of view? it hadn't lasted very long. denial didn't suit her well but maybe it did for Renoir.] Sounds exhausting to argue with anyway.

[Maria considers Verso's question. she didn't have the same connection to Mary as Verso did to the real Verso. she'd been born from Mary's wishes but all she had were feelings from her, abstract things honestly. Maria wouldn't say she didn't know Mary. on some level, she absolutely felt like she did a little. probably had understood her better than James ever had. Verso's question doesn't hurt but it does bring its own unique feeling of wanting. it would have been nice to know Mary.] She was very kind. The disease made her angry sometimes but she always felt so awful afterwards. I think she would have felt bad, would have seen me as worthy of life and independence as anything else. That probably counts for something.

The Verso you came from...he had a big heart, huh?

[ Verso covers his mouth with his hand, but lets the corner of his smile peek out around the palm. He doesn't think it'd be a kindness to tell her that there will be others to tell her something nice. His eyes drift down; the hope for a better life for her burns in his chest. If he was allowed to stay, could he find an escape for her?

Could he ... bring her to the Canvas somehow? If he does, what does that mean? He'd tell the truth about the Paintress? Figure out how to stop Renoir instead, perhaps? Lie about what would happen -- and the only person who would know would be Maria.

We paint the bars of our own prison. Renoir may not be wrong, but even as he thinks so, Maria dissuades him of his schemes. At least, without offering it first -- ]

I'd say aren't all fathers, but I only know mine. [ Tilting his head away, he lets his hand fall. It lightly hits the bar counter. ] Well, mine and his.

[ Renoir isn't really Renoir. Aline altered a lot in him that Verso's memories feel wrong when "confronted" with who his father is. He can't imagine how dissociating that must be for Renoir to have memories that would contradict the person that he is made to be. ]

I do think it counts as something, though... Mary being kind and wanting more for you. [ He purses his lips and nods solemn. ] The biggest. [ His eyes flick from the counter to her face. ] He believed in second chances... and joy is why anything should be created. Not just joy for the person but what is made should also be allowed to be happy.

[ So-- ] Renoir... the Curator... brought Axons to the Canvas. They were already entities that existed in other paintings. But he brought their essence and self to the space... [ He flexes his fingers, clenches his fist. ] We don't get anywhere asking nicely, but for you who's never been asked...

[ He opens and closes his mouth a few times before asking: ]

Do you want to, Maria? I won't... I won't try to erase it anymore if you're there.

[Verso has explained the world he comes from and the laws it abides by. Maria has a hard time fully understanding though she's tried. but she understood enough to grasp what he was offering her. what a big deal this was. Maria can't hide her surprise and she stares at him, blinking as if she is expecting him to crack a joke.

but she knows he's being earnest. no matter where the kindness comes from, manufactured from a man who died or put into him for another reason, Verso is kind. he wants to do what is right for the people he cares about and Maria realizes this must mean she is one of those people now. someone who means something to him and that alone means the world to her.

Maria does want it, she thinks. it's her first thought. selfish and desperate. I want it, I want it, I want it so badly... because it's all she's wanted for these last two decades. an escape from this hell.

but if she took that chance then what about Verso's hell?]

What about you? You didn't get asked either so I'll ask. What about you?

I'll continue.

[ The words hurt to say but he musters up a smile.

His head gives a half tilt before he exhales slowly. He doesn't quite frown but his chin gives a little shake. Because he knows -- he understands -- the last piece of the original's soul would also agree with him. ]

Verso and I -- [ What a funny way to talk; a funny way that only they can talk. ] -- would want a second chance for you. [ He sets his foot against the floor to turn in his chair; the legs squeal just a little as he shifts position. It's to let her see how empty the room is, like she isn't already aware. ]

You've been here long enough. [ A beat. ] But as for me, I've been alive for a long time. [ He flexes his fingers, clenches his hand into a fist. ] It'll be all right to be alive for a little while longer.

[Maria has never gotten a chance to be selfish. she can't say she would never be selfish if given a chance but she'd never know. Verso is offering that to her. a selfless act.

and she can't say she doesn't want to take it because she does. what she wouldn't give to have it. but Verso has been such a comfort to her. their talks in Heaven's Night have meant so much to her that she can't imagine betraying him. part of her knows that Verso would still be her friend but she feels like it would destroy some part of their relationship that she could never get back.]

You know I can't take it. Not if it meant you had to go against your own wishes. I can't do that to you.

[to us, is also an unspoken message there.]

You'd do it for me.

[ And he'd say the same back to her. They couldn't do that to each other; they would like to be that selfish. It'd ease something that's been hurting forever inside, but they'd kill something else in the process. Possibly the last bit of whoever they are. ]

... why were we created this way?

[ Selfishness that never goes far enough. If they were going to make monsters, they should have made monsters. ]

I know why, but it's still -- [ He fills his mouth with air to make a popping sighing noise. ] -- it doesn't make it any easier. It doesn't make me not want to save you anymore. [ But he also can't save her if it means to ignore her wishes. ]

I would do it for you. [she doesn't deny that. if he did take her up on it, she didn't think she would judge him too harshly for it either. but Verso had never wronged her. she couldn't do it.]

I mean, if I'm being honest, I'd do it if I didn't think you'd grow to resent me. I know your canvas must feel like a prison but it's a prison with a view, right? I'd still like to see that view. [and it made her sad to think she wouldn't.

she smiles at him and shrugs.]

Besides, you got a whole scheme going for you. I can't ruin that. Who doesn't love a good scheme?

I'd say a lot of people aren't going to love it.

[ His tone, however, remains light. Easy, breezy. He sets his teeth together as it hurts; he'd like to show that view to her, too. But he thinks as she thinks; Maria would come to resent him. ]

Is there... is there any way I could not have you resent me?

[ Somehow, he can't give it up. Maybe, he's a coward. Maybe, he wants a reason to live. The desire to die, to fade, has been woven so deeply in his person that he doesn't think that's it. Rather, he wants a real reason to continue. Not to perpetuate the cycle of grief, but to allow someone to live. ]

People don't understand a lot of things.

[Maria understands well that James views her as a villain. something standing in his way. which is very funny because she views him as her villain just as much. and just like Verso, she can only imagine his companions would think of him as a villain if he explained his schemes. what he wanted.

and maybe it would become the same for her and Verso. always a thought there that he would come back to desiring oblivion. a freedom from the hell he'd been unwillingly put into.]

Ain't that the question? [she leans her elbow on the counter and smiles at him.] How long could you be happy, knowing you're stuck for how long? And me, knowing what you wish for deep down? Immortality isn't all it's cracked up to be and I can't make that any sweeter. Not even your family could do that, what is the hope for little old me?

No, they don't.

[ A secret joke between them.

Verso knows in his first years that he was like Maria. He fought adamantly for his existence; he believed he'd find happiness if he kept pushing forward. And every death, every sacrifice, could be undone just as soon as Aline was free.

Yet there was something insane with that mentality.

He snapped out of his delusions. None of them would be free so long as he lived. Not even the original creations of Verso's. They coveted very part of him, and the fragment was so tired. There wasn't anything left they could give to those around them.

Oblivion hardly felt fair but that was why he cast himself the villain. Because no one else could make do it.

However, here is trying to force Maria to make a touch, cruel choice. Because he wants to save her. Because he wants to save someone. He has hope in the people Verso loved. He'll never see what will come next, but that hope burns so bright inside despite it all.

And maybe that's it-- ]

Because I have hope. And it is selfish... but I'd like to see if I'm right... if the people I believe in, the people I believe will be happy... can be happy if I do something.

[Maria understands well what a situation like theirs can make them do. when she looked back on the things she'd done, she liked to believe she wouldn't have done them if she'd been given any other choice. but what was there to do? be hurt again, brutally murdered and feel that pain that nobody else could ever understand? the things she went through, people were not supposed to come back from and remember them. let alone to be so abandoned by the one you were created for.

for Maria, there was no giving up. there had been times where she would make the decision to not go to James but would always end up finding him anyway. there was no escape, not even the choice of simply not doing. Silent Hill didn't allow that. James was stuck in his cycle and Maria was just as trapped. James just had the luxury of not remembering it. not fully anyway.

Verso did have a choice and he'd made the choice to end things, no matter what that meant. good or bad, for beings like them, wasn't the same definitions that others might give. certainly there would be judgment for what Verso was doing and Maria knew others must find him cruel. the choices he was making would never grant him much understanding from the ones he had to hurt. but what was there to do? how much could one person endure? and Verso had been suffering for so long.

perhaps that was also why Maria was afraid to do this, to say yes. even as much as she desperately wants to. tells herself that if Verso is giving it to her then he must not really mind.]

Do you think you wouldn't start to hate me for saying yes? Maybe not now, maybe not for another few years, but after that. Do you really think you wouldn't start to wish I had never told you yes? Selfishly, I think that's what I don't want the most. For you to stop caring about me.

Hate you? No.

[ Verso can't help but believe the only "hate" he can feel is toward himself. As melodramatic as that all is. He simply can't find the means to hate others.

Aline's grief is far too understandable. If he hated her, he could just wait for her to slowly die. She's lost so much of herself -- he can see it in the projection she's left in the manor. But she can't be blamed for her pain; she can't be denied her grief.

Renoir erases what she brought into the Canvas. Lives have been ruined and destroyed year by year. But he does it out of love; he recognizes the suffering he brings and Verso is sure he laments. He could've removed them in crueler manners, he's sure, but chose a peaceful death.

The list goes on and on. Those that know; those that don't. For what Maria and he are, they simply are created without pieces that people have. Perhaps, that is the cruelest thing about their creation. People will say they're real but only as real as they want them to be. ]

I'd never stop caring about you. It's why... I can even offer this.

[it is strange sometimes, to be like who they are. Verso says he would not hate Maria but then all she can think of is James. the vows he'd made to Mary and yet he'd grown to hate her. not that Verso is like James, he is different. it is an unfair comparison for Verso's sake.

but hate grows without you ever meaning it, doesn't it? he can promise it now but can he promise it five years from now? ten? twenty? but she's simple. it's been two decades of James growing more and more uncomfortable with her. even if he is unaware of the passing of time, the repeitions they were both trapped in; each cycle he seemed to dislike her more. nowadays, he wasn't friendly at all to her. once there might have been a time where she could have casual conversation with him but that was a thing of the past. it only made her gnawing loneliness worse.

Verso had been a relief from that. a person to talk to and it had been hard not to grow attached to him. she cared about him and when he says he cares about her, will never stop caring about her, she moves to wrap her arms around him.]

I care about you, too. I don't want to lose you. [but would she lose him if she said yes? or will she one day go away and she would lose him anyway?]

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