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heavensnight) wrote2024-12-14 12:02 pm
heavensnight) wrote2024-12-14 12:02 pm
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Lilith, or "Black Moon Lilith," is a point in your birth chart that reveals your personality's hidden or taboo parts. It indicates where you've kept your true desires secret to avoid criticism or rejection. This hidden side, often called your shadow, represents everything society considers forbidden or unacceptable.
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There are so few people who understand what their lives, what their existence is like. Even those that are of the Canvas won't ever fully understand his life. It's difficult to live as a memory, it's difficult to live as a wish. They can only be what people want them to be, and they can't see what they are outside of those roles.
An unfairness to their design, but they still found ways to be themselves. They found a sense of purpose, a sense of personality that is outside of what they were made to be. Or so, he likes to think. He isn't sure if that makes them real but it makes them themselves. Isn't that enough? For them, it might be more than enough. ]
I care about you too much to go anywhere.
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and she sees Verso.
she leans in, her lips pressing softly against his as her eyes search his face.]
I want to say yes. For my own freedom and so I don't ever risk losing you forever. Until whatever miracle that lets us see each other decides never mind. Is that selfish?
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Maybe it is, but you haven't been able to be selfish for a long time.
[ He understands the exhaustion that comes from having to play a role because it's needed. Their roles are carefully and meticulously crafted for them. ]
I also don't want to lose the ability to be able to see you. [ Again, he feels the fluttering, twitching smile. ] I think I might actually go mad if I did lose you. [ He lifts his hands to rest on either side of her face. She's the only one who understands; certainly, he could tell others of his existence but Maria is the only one who truly understands what he is and all that entails. ]
So... I'm selfish, too...
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and now it was his affection for her. affection because Maria would never consider the word 'love' for herself when it came to Verso. it felt like such a fragile word, much like their relationship. Maria knew that if they could be allowed normalcy then maybe she would have felt safe with the word 'love'. maybe almost as much as the word 'normal'.
her eyes close and she drinks in the feeling of his touch, of him close. the only other person than James and the only person to truly see her for all she was. to understand her in her complexity. the same as him.]
You trying to charm me into your canvas? [she has to joke or else she might cry.]
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[ He doesn't give her the grace of letting it be a joke. Although, it would be kinder if he did. If he loses this thread, he fears she'll hold fast onto saying "no."
Whatever grace that has allowed them to meet and talk with each other, he doesn't know how long it will last. He fears the day it'll be taken from her more than taken from him. Maybe that is simply how he is created, but he doesn't want her to be alone anymore. He wants her to be wrapped in sunlight and safety.
Verso thinks of what she said -- would he eventually grow to resent the idea of being alive? Of giving up his goal of oblivion? But he never really wanted everything to fade to nothing. It's just he had no choice. If he has more reason to keep that world safe, he'll find another way. Already, the gears are turning to ensure a peaceful world. ]
I think the world -- my world -- would love to know you. [ A flickering smile stutters across his lips. ]
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Maria knew how easy it was to become bitter because so often she felt it herself. when she would have sympathy for James and Mary and then in the next moment, feel so angry for them bringing her into this hell.
and Verso is kind, Maria knows. no matter why he is, it's simply who he is. even if others might not think so because of his own goals and how he wants an ending to his own suffering...he is willing to continue on another day, another lifetime, simply so Maria can taste freedom. can know what it's like.]
You might be winning the fight, handsome.
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[ He offers her a smile and an apology woven into his words. Because he knows that he isn't being all that fair with what he's offering. But the idea that she would rather live with almost nothing than have his ire is unbearable.
It's an odd feeling to have someone care so much about what he thinks. So many people tell him what is best for him or what he "really wants." His wishes have been dismissed for so long that it's strange to have someone so concerned about them. Yet this is something that he's willing to give without question.
Because she deserves to have a chance to live instead of exist. Something he keeps saying to himself, repeats it like a mantra in his thoughts. Maybe because he doesn't want to cease to exist. Maybe for all he rushes towards death, he really wants a reason to stay. Something that wouldn't cause harm to the person if he is around for them. ]
But I care too much for you to leave you alone... to not set you free from here.
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and the choice of being with him and free or here in this hellhole stuck with James? it is obvious what she would prefer. what anybody would prefer. but she's never had a choice and part of her goes to her usual method. of her scripts, her planned responses that she's built up.
with Verso, she's never had one. there has never been a script. a dance, some steps to take here and there but not fully. no, with Verso, she can only do what she wants. and her heart wants freedom and Verso.]
Is this one of the times we try not to think too hard about the future and simply live in the moment?